Posted by: Julian Ayrs on: June 1, 2008

The other morning a radio station was chatting with a call-in listener who had just won tickets for the upcoming George Michael concert at the Honda Center in Los Angeles, June 27th.
“How long have you been a fan?” the high-energy disc jockey asked with infectious enthusiasm.
“Oh, since George was whamming.”
Ha! That conjured up some curious images – and memories – as well.
Like, how about, “Wham Bam, thank you Ma’am?”
Yes, I know, that was a lyric from a David Bowie song.
I was referring to his private life, if you get the jist of my meaning!
I laughed to myself when I recalled the incident a few years ago when Mr. Michael (an oddity of terms, isn’t it?) got caught with his – um – pants down in a Men’s rest room across the steet from the prestigious Beverly Hills Hotel.
I thought it was admirable that George just fessed up – quick as a wink – without any long-drawn-out excuses. But, with a top-notch lawyer he could have of gotten off – so to speak – in my estimation.
Think about it.
Allegedly, he was standing at the urinal stroking his Johnson – no, not actor – “Don Johnson” – his co**, peck** – whatever. Without warning (gosh, the unexpected surprise could have sent him off half-co**ked, don’t ‘ya think?) an undercover agent apparently strolled in and spied the pop star in the act of – er – exposing himself in a crude intimate manner.
Or, however you want to posture it.
But, there weren’t any other witnesses to shake a stick at. Essentially, it was George Michael’s word against that of the undercover dick (there’s something erotic – yet foreboding-sounding – about that term, isn’t there?) who proceeded to frisk him (I surmise) and haul his tight little a** to the slammer.
If you recall, straight off, George pleaded no contest.
Like the Michael Jackson scenario, was it possible that there was something so distinctive about his pen**, that he was sure the copper could identify it in open court, if necessary? Is that why he begged off?
Personally, I figure that a high-powered attorney with some street smarts under his belt could have put forth a compelling argument that George wasn’t actually “playing” with his organ at all (yeah, all the innuendos are hilarious in this scenario) but – rather – shaking it a tad to cast off a few last dew drops of pi** from the end of it.
Ladies, it’s a guy thing.
Ah, maybe that’s it.
He didn’t want to air his dirty underwear – er – laundry in public!
Remember what Oscar Wilde once said,
“Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality”